"L'etat, c'est pas moi!"

While most of the world has been feting Queen Victoria's, er I mean Elizabeth's 60th anniversary as top royal, I have been thinking of another European monarch. Who, you may ask, has been marauding the synapses of my cerebellum? Why, it's none other than Juan Carlos of Spain! In case you are unaware, "El rey" got into some trouble on the Iberian peninsula for taking an expensive Elephant hunting trip in Botswana while his country teeters on the brink of economic chaos. Muy estupido? Creo que si!

Here in my realm, I am fourth in command. There is still some debate as to whether Carter is my immediate superior, or if Reid is. Be that as it may, I figured that I could take the kids on a "suburban safari" today and not get in much trouble a la Juan Carlos. Allow me to recount the expedition:

First we packed the safari expedition vehicle my car with all of the necessary provisions to tame the wild. Reid insisted that we bring his sedan chair stroller so that he would be able to ride in comfort. Carter was in charge of vittles and chose a healthy fruit snack fig newtons. I was in charge of beverages, and since it's summer, I chose H2O water.  Oh wait, those are the same thing.

Now we were off to our exotic destination the zoo  to view the fauna. In order to be fully prepared, I stocked my suburban assault pants cargo shorts with everything we needed, including kleenex due to the leaky nose epidemic here at the "casa" that I have miraculously avoided. Once on the savanna paved zoo path, we encountered many a different ferocious animal prairie dogs and flamingos that exist in their untamed habitats fenced in areas.

The highlight of the trip was when the princess Carter pointed out to yours truly that Master Reid's sedan chair had a heretofore never-discovered gelatinous material stuck to a wheel. As I reached for my specimen bag so that I could it back to base camp my house for analysis, Carter figured out it was actually flamingo poo. I believe the latin is birdus crappus.  No really, that was the highlight of the safari.

On a final note, we were highly disappointed to see that the snack bar was merely a mirage closed thus making an unplanned trip to Sweet Frog necessary. While marveling at the feral beauty that can only be seen in a surburban strip mall parking lot, we sated our "elephantine" appetites, as would have made Juan Carlos proud.

So let that be a lesson to all you monarchs out there (are you reading this Harry and Kate?). Just go to the zoo and save yourselves from the wrath of a nation. 

And on a personal note:

I would like to extend a hearty "shalom" to whoever accessed my blog from Israel. I hereby offer you the bureau chief position at my Tel Aviv office. The salary is $0.

And "Guten Tag" to the Germans who took a peek! In your honor, I have sent my lederhosen to the cleaners so I can wear them on Saturday night.

Of course, you may have just gone to the wrong site by accident.