Just finish it already!!!!!

So the idea of compression has been on my mind for the past few hours. My first job was a fun one- working in the duodenum of a ginormous drug store/cheap plastic crap emporium. My duties were to run the cardboard box compressor in said bowels and wrap bailing wire around them for recycling. The smushing machine was a real beast and I was perpetually covered in grease and oil. Yum! If I remember correctly there were 124,845,936,201 OSHA infractions in the little chamber. How I never compressed myself is a miracle. Can you imagine a 5'9" 130 pound guy running what was essentially a trash compactor for hours on end? Those were joyous times for sure. 

That leads me to today: As I was listening to "Performance Today" on NPR (if you don't know what that is, it's a classical music show- any of you questioning my manliness right now, I'll meet you in the alley after school!). Apparently some dude is taking an opus that lasts 14 hours and choosing the essential notes and making it last a measly hour. Right on, I say. Fourteen hours of anything is synonymous to torture as far as I'm concerned. This leads me to my current thoughts:

What in the hell is wrong with us in The good ol' U.S. of A.? This presidential election silliness needs to be compressed way way down to the essentials. I mean, we've been listening and following this garbage for TWO FULL YEARS! Give me a break. What's worse is that it'll all start up again in 2014 and well get another TWO FULL YEARS of this blabbering shite! I think I may go media free for a while, because honestly, I cannot stand any more!!!!!! We are like horses with broken legs- just put us out of our f***ing misery, please. 

Here is the time table I propose for the next go-round:

The Friday before election day 2016: Republican National Convention

The Saturday before election day 2016: Democratic National Convention

The Sunday before election day 2016: A day reserved for whining about the fact that 3rd parties are not taken seriously and never invited to participate in whatever horrid convention, etc. that we can be lashed with by the major buffoons political parties.

The Monday before election day 2016: The one and only debate between the two candidates. Each candidate will get EXACTLY 4 minutes to talk.

Election day: Vote and go home.

Let's be clear: this is a fantasy and will never happen (damn it!) so starting January 2014, I'll be tuning out, turning off, and dropping out. I can't wait.