My nana, crime fighter

Today, I decided that I would finally pretend to be manly and climb the big ladder that I have hidden under the house. I hide it under the house because I figure if I leave it out, some miscreant will use it to climb through a window in my house. This, of course, is ridiculous because what kind of idiotic thief would use a ladder to climb to the second story when s/he could easily go through the easy way, i.e. the bottom floor?

I think this fear of an invasion from above comes from my childhood. Thanks, Sigmund. You see, the lady two doors down (this was back in the 70s), left her ladder out one day and some thugs (I don't really know if they were thugs or not) broke in using the ladder. Childhood events are hard to shake.

All of this musing on home invasions reminds me of my nana, who died a few years ago at the age of 99. She came home once when she was in her 80s and someone had broken in. She walked upstairs and some big dude was walking out of one of the rooms. Now, my nana was TINY, but she took no shit from anyone. That happens when you have to raise four kids on your own because your husband is nuttier than a fruitcake and committed. Anyway, she looked at Mr. Break-in and said sweetly "Hi. Is there anything I can help you with?" Can you imagine being a big bad nasty thief and being asked this by a 4 foot 6" 75 pound octogenarian? Needless to say, it threw him off guard and he said "No" and left. Of course he could have gonged her on the head with his pinky and that would have been that, but no, he bid her adieu and left sheepishly. That is a close approximation of the events. I wasn't there and if I were I would have been hiding behind my nana with soiled drawers.

Well damn, this post was supposed to be about me climbing the ladder and scrubbing that green fungus off the side of the house that has been accumulating recently. Too bad, cause that would have been a COOL STORY, BRO. I saw that on a t-shirt.

Apologies

I would like to apologize to the general reading public. That means you, who are reading this instead of going to the library like a normal person and checking out real literature. My mea culpa is for being absent for the past few weeks, months, years or whatever it was. You see, I had a terrible accident and had to re-learn a few skills. Allow me to explain:

While on hiatus traveling with Kim and the kids (someone's got to earn some cash in this household!), I went to an porcupine petting zoo somewhere on the Alabama/Mississippi border. I don't know if you have ever been lucky enough to pet a porcupine, but it is an experience that makes one quiver. Making a long story short, I have finally regained the feeling in my hands and, therefore, am back at the blogging "job" that earns me no money, respect, or gratitude. It feels good to be back in the proverbial saddle leading my charging stead nowhere in particular.

If you forgot that I even wrote this thing, I will forgive you. My team of therapists at Johns Hopkins tells me that megolomania is somewhat treatable and that I am progressing slowly.